Mama At Last

Pushing through

Today was a rough day. Overwhelming and heavy. Furnishing an apartment, albeit small, is not an easy feat. Well, with a limited budget, it’s not. Buying the majority second hand is exhausting. Emailing back and forth on the condition of the piece in question. Figuring out the transportation options, ensuring that the total budget, that included, is kept. Finding suitable solutions for what one might want to get vs what is feasible….

Then, the pieces arrive and it doesn’t feel right. The table is too big or the shape doesn’t work. You push on and list it for sale yourself, starting the whole journey back up again, only with an added item on the to do list. The lady from whom you are buying a used frying pan and a few other items you’ve discussed, ends up dropping off a bunch of other useless ugly, mismatched cups and plates, and not the actual items worth the money paid. And, since you are in a hurry and don’t have time to look through the box before running to the next appointment to look at a couch, bathroom cupboard and hat rack, she’s long gone before you notice.

The joy that seeps through my every day

The missing screws to get the closet shelves up are impossible to find. The lady who sold me the apartment has no idea where they are, nor where the closets are from. Two weeks after move in day, on our way to the fifth store to inquire whether they have the screw, or at least something similar that will do, the stroller section of the bus is full. Thus, we take another one, which drops us off a long walk away from our destination, instead of the bus stop two minutes away.

I carry on, happy to get the exercise, not having had a chance to go to the gym for a while. Once we arrive, yet again I’m faced with the news that neither this store has anything at all resembling the screw in question. Moving on, to more errands, this particular bus stop apparently has the same bus stop for a bus with the same number but going in two different directions. And, OF COURSE, I take the wrong one. Thus, the trip that would have taken but a couple of minutes now takes twenty minutes.

The bus stops too far from the other two places I had planned to go and there’s not enough time to go there and back before the next appointment. Carrying groceries that won’t all fit on the stroller, I also simply don’t have the energy. Not wanting to be late to practice for a concert with my siblings and our accompanist, I go to the church. We’re twenty minutes early. And, brace yourself! It is locked.

My son is toasty and cozy in the stroller and that’s all that really matters. I’m cold and defeated. Throughout it all, I do my best to be present with my boy who I am certain can sense my mood. I try to pause the online searches for furniture and supplies, hug him, smile, look into his eyes and let him know I am there for him. I attempt to zen myself, exuding an aura of calm when I can tell he picks up on the negative energy I push hard to keep within.

Will you look at that face!

Exhausted but trying not to show it, I am offered a ride to the next two places for the errands that were still left on my to do list for today. Thank you, Olivia! My brother offers to leave work early to watch Julian a couple of hours tomorrow so that I can make some extra money. Thank you, Jonathan!

After putting my little loved one to bed I get to work on preparing for the carpenter coming in the morning to do some drilling for curtain rails, wall cupboards, lamps etc. etc. etc. There’s a knock on the door and the chairman of the homeowner’s association is there.

She brings me a laundry key that was missing and answers some other questions I had. I ask her a couple more. Moments later, there’s another knock on the door. She and her husband stand there, with a brand new router and TV box, giving me all the instructions on what I need to do to set everything up. Thank you, neighbors!

Just chillin’ watching mama unpack, listening to Silent Night on the music box

It’s late and I’m beyond tired after what has been a long and exhausting day. Yet, as I’m sitting here with the first advent candle lit in my window, Christmas music streaming, and my beautiful son sound asleep in the bedroom, I am grateful. Grateful for light that lifts away darkness. Grateful for those who notice and take action, give service choosing to meet my need over their own comfort or priority. Grateful for home. Grateful for family.

Good night.

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